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Writer's pictureKate McKiernan

Putting Off Important Phone Calls can be a Full-Time Job

Updated: Jul 20, 2022

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I called my insurance guy when I found out I needed surgery. I have very shitty private insurance because I make too much money to get a discount in the marketplace and:


· I didn’t think I would actually need good coverage

· I thought it was temporary

· I thought would have been hired on full-time at the job by now.


But obviously, no, that did not happen and while no one expects The Spanish Inquisition, I suppose it was foolhardy to believe I wouldn’t need healthcare at some point.


My insurance guy is not from around here. He was super nice when I was buying stuff, but not quite as responsive after that. The insurance he sold me did not cover a flu shot. It’s garbage. But I made my bed, so here I am dying in it. (AIR HORN! DRAMA ALERT) The one thing I took away from the original coverage conversation months ago was that if I had a major issue, I should call to upgrade my policy from the ambulance.


So here I am, calling him from the metaphorical ambulance, and he sounds annoyed, I explain that I need outpatient surgery and I can’t tell if I’m covered. Well, he can’t tell either because he no longer works with that insurance. (MAYBE BECAUSE IT SUCKS SO BAD?) Umm, okay, who do I call? He gives me the 1-800 number for plain ole customer service. I need to ask what tier of coverage I currently have and how much the better options cost. I also need to call Northwestern and find out how much the surgery costs. UGGGH fine.


I had been a little cagey about what the surgery was at first. I didn’t need this bro in Tampa thinking about my boob. But then I think, who cares, and maybe he will help me if he knows what we are talking about. And what if I need radiation. I tell him about Not Quite Cancer TM and explain it’s more preventative than anything but that it is important blah blah blah.


His response? “Do you have life insurance?”


Do I have life insurance? My dude. I’m not dying, I have no money, and I’m trying to finance the surgery that will save me from The Real Bad Boi Cancer TM. I can’t afford term life at the moment. I’m flabbergasted to the point that I don’t say anything for about five minutes as he shows me all the options. Remember, my man has yet to acknowledge that I am going through something. He went straight to the sales pitch. He finishes describing my financial and physical demise by saying I should really think about it because I won’t qualify for life insurance once they find out about the cancer.


Jeez. Fuck you, buddy. The paralyzing overwhelming feeling hit and I don’t remember getting off the phone.


I know that even if it’s worst-case scenario time, I can handle the medical portion of this debacle. But the financial repercussions will haunt me forever.


Needless to say, it’s been a week and I have not made the phone calls to upgrade my insurance or figure out ballpark pricing from the hospital. I also have not bought life insurance.



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7 Comments


judimurphy
Jul 20, 2022

Can I get a contract out on that insurance guy? Need name and address

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judimurphy
Jul 22, 2022
Replying to

Ok. Just let me know...

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Guest
Jul 20, 2022

Comment testing!

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I am here for the rage on this topic! WTF with the life insurance! Ugh! This country is a disaster.

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cris.waters
Aug 09, 2022
Replying to

Why you holding out on us? I need to fully rage like right now.

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